


a hundred thousand words

by bluemoontide



Series: a hundred thousand words [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Retrospective, is this a soul-mate au?, perhaps, tbh i'm not even sure what that is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:50:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemoontide/pseuds/bluemoontide
Summary: Scott contemplates his future with Tessa in ice-dance and beyond. He feels like fate has a role to play, but who's to say she feels the same when they are both so different?ORWhat if Scott really thinks that he can't skate with Tess in any capacity if he wants a healthy relationship?Inspired by his interview on the POV podcast.





	a hundred thousand words

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, this is happening apparently. I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about how us authors never imagined writing RPF...etc...I'll spare you. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm sorry to my ex because I promised her I wouldn't do this. Whoops, guess that's another thing she can be mad at me about!!! 
> 
> This is unbeta'd, so just let me know if there's a mistake and I will try and fix it!
> 
> The title comes from The Fray's 'Unsaid' which is a song I bet you haven't thought about since you watched that one Office fanvid way back in '08....

When Scott was young he remembers hearing about _The Red Thread of Fate._ An invisible thread that binds two people together throughout their entire lives. It guides them through all trials and tribulations and inevitably leads them back to each other, no matter what.

It connects two people through time, no force is strong enough to break it.

In his years away from his family and friends the idea really resonated with him. He was young and scared and there was something so comforting in letting go of that fear and taking a leap of faith in the name of destiny, knowing that there was someone bound to take that leap with him.

That’s always been what Tessa was. Even when he was in his most serious and committed relationship, he always felt that connection with Tess tugging him back. To skating, to competition, to her. Forever and always.

He told her about it once, years ago. She laughed and asked where he heard it. She thought there was something like it in a Disney movie. She thought it was a really sweet idea.

But Scott had _felt_ it.

He never brought it up again, even though he felt its pull every day; they were each other’s constant. Together always, regardless of distance.

In China when she mentioned competing it was like his life had direction again. The red thread that bound them became a beacon, leading them back to the path they were meant to be on. Did she know what he was missing? Had she plucked his thoughts out of his mind like a rolodex?

An intrinsic relief washed over him at her words. It was the happiest he’d been in almost two years.

Like a life-line she pulled him back in.

He placed his hand on his chest and smiled warmly at her, hoping that maybe for the first time she felt it too.

“So are we going to do this thing, Scott?”

_Always. You and me Kiddo, just us. Yes._

 

* * *

 

Their first season back is finished. Undefeated, but barely, no thanks to Scott. As they sit in Tessa hotel room he goes over the day again and again, frustrated with himself for being too careless.

The longer their room service takes, the more agitated he becomes. Not with Tess or the ice, or even what happened. Only with himself. How could he have lived with himself if he single-handedly ruined their undefeated season in their very last competition?

More than anything he felt like he let Tess down. She told him that he didn’t. He felt her warm embrace, on the ice and after, desperate to alleviate any guilt she must have anticipated from him.

Anyone else would have been disappointed. Anyone else might have had some things to say about his stumble, but not Tess. Never Tess. He feels that pull in his chest again when he realizes how fortunate he is to have someone like her at his side.

Not seeing her as much over the summer will be a special kind of torture after the year they’ve just shared together. He never wants to their connection to fade again like it had before they came back.

For him there's no  _going back_.

Before he can stop himself the words come tumbling out of him, reckless and clumsy like his mistake today. “What should we do when this is all done?”

He catches her off guard, he can tell. She blinks a few times and puts her phone down beside her. “You mean Worlds?”

Scott knows he’s approaching this wrong and feels frustration bubble in his chest. Why is it so easy to show how he felt, but so hard to say it? He wrings every emotion and aspiration through his gaze into hers, begs her to understand.

“Not exactly, no.”

She couldn’t dodge his meaning this time. He could feel it. Even if he didn’t, the pink in her cheeks and her firm swallow gave her away.

“I…”

There is a knock on the door and both of their heads snap over in that direction.

“Oh it’s the room service; perfect! I hope they remembered the wine!” She says too brightly, apparently grateful for the out.

He owes her too much already, especially today, and she owes him nothing. He doesn’t try to bring it up again.

He falls asleep curled into her side over her blankets with her hands buried in his hair. 

 

* * *

 

Their final season is about to start and they stand together on the precipice of a tremendously monumental six months: twenty years in the making, staring straight down the barrel at Olympic gold. Together, always.

It’s the first time they’re seeing each other after taking a week off. They decided to spend some time with their families before committing one-hundred and fifty percent of themselves to skating. To each other.

Yet the question burns on the tip of his tongue.

_After this what’s next?_

It's too much to process right now so instead he settles for small talk. “How is your niece, Tess?”

Tessa smiles fondly to herself as she laces up her skates.

“Amazing. She’s just reaching that stage where you can have a real conversation with her. It’s completely adorable. How about yours? And your nephews?”

Scott smiles too, not really understanding why it feels forced. “Awesome. I’m pretty sure they’re the smartest kids in the whole world.”

Tessa chuckles beside him, looking away. “That’s wonderful.”

She doesn’t continue, so Scott does before he can stop himself.

“That is until you have some kids, T. All those Moirs will need some mini-Virtues to keep them in check someday. What do you think?”

He can barely focus on her reply over the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears.

Tessa’s smile dims a bit and she knits her brows together slightly. “Scott are you asking me if I want kids someday?”

Scott laughs hoping it covers the uneasy feeling that settles in his chest. He hops out on the ice and traces a semicircle with his blades.

“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to have some of my own.” He says simply, determined to have his point made. 

Tessa hums quietly and pulls the hem of her hoodie over her hips. She doesn’t follow him out.

“I don’t know, I guess I never really thought about it before.” She says finally.

He tries to ignore the sinking feeling he has and can’t explain.

 _It'_ _s all I’ve thought about since I realized I’m in love with you_ is what he doesn’t say.

He skids to a stop in front of the boards and holds his hand out for her.

“Ah, but you’re still young Tess. You’ve got plenty of time before you have to think about this stuff. Me? I’m almost thirty. I never imagined I’d be here at thirty!” He means it to be flippant, but her odd look makes him worry he might have given too much away.

She takes his hand gently and says nothing as they move around the empty arena.

As they stroke across the ice he watches her carefully, searching for any hint of what’s on her mind.

“Wanna work on step sequences?” She asks flatly. Apparently this topic is over.

_No, I want you want what I want._

“Yeah that sounds great!” He says instead and he skates a little ahead.

 

* * *

 

The Olympics are everything they dream of. Everything happens exactly as they had hoped and trained for.

As he holds Tessa in his arms while carrying the flag, on the ice, and on the podiums, he feels like he could never be happier. Like his heart could burst because he feels so complete. Like as long as they’re together it’s perfect.

She’s tired though, and for the rest of their time in Korea we wonders if he imagined it. He only sees her during press or at events, but that’s okay. They’re different and she needs space.

Anyone would after having their whole life change.

She’s also the first one to get sick, so there’s that too.

Everything happens in a flash and he hopes once things settle they can talk. _Really_ talk. There’s so much he wants to know. Does she feel as happy as he does? Is she ready for the next step?

He closes his eyes and visualizes that red string.

She has to be ready...it’s time.

 

* * *

 

She tells him about photoshoots and interviews and _did you know_ House and Home Canada _wants to see my place in London?_

He’s amazed that she’s letting them explore her house like that, and she talks about how she might actually show off her walk-in, which she never does. He’s amazed at how willing she is to let them in.

He wonders just how much Tessa is opening up.

He wonders if she’ll tell them that she got the big screen television after he mentioned he couldn’t see the puck very well on her modest 32”.

He wonders if she’ll tell them which fake cupboard conceals the fridge and that the only time she has food in it is when he brings some over and helps her cook pasta.

He wonders if she’ll mention how she hates to sleep in that house alone because it feels too big and empty for her.

He wonders if he’ll ever mention how badly he wants to help her fill it.

The flight back to Canada is silent and smooth, and all of the lights are dimmed overhead. It’s Scott’s favourite part of a flight. Everyone around him is quiet and settled, but Scott’s mind is racing. They’ve worked so hard, and they deserve time away, time to themselves. Both of them. All he can think about is being home and forging his way back to a normal life now that this is finished...all Tessa mentions is how busy she’ll be.

He sighs as he watches her sleep soundly on the plane and reminds himself how different they are.

With the delirium of the Games clearing he looks back on what they’ve found.

Scott feels like the Gold has left him with some kind of peace. It seems that Tessa has found potential. She’s so smart and savvy and he knows more than anyone how well Tessa can go after what she wants.

He’s so proud of her.

He can’t be selfish.

(But they’re touring for the next few months, so he will allow himself to be selfish a little longer.)

He doesn’t want to rush her into a life she’s not ready for yet, but he can’t fathom moving on without her.

He’ll just wait until she is ready.

He tries to stop himself from thinking it, but the notion burrows out anyway.

_What if she’ll never be ready?_

 

* * *

 

“France, eh? You must be so excited! You guys are going to have the best time, I know it.”

“I know it too! I can’t wait! It’s my first real break since February. Jordan and Mom have been packed for weeks. It’s going to be so great Scott, I wish you could be there!”

 _No you don’t_ a small dark voice whispers to Scott from the back of his mind. He manages a smile, and he hopes it doesn’t look too sad.

“Aren’t you sick of me yet, Virtch?”

“Never,” she says softly and his heart lurches. The thread tugs and his fingers twitch because he wants to touch her, even though they’re almost three hundred kilometers apart.

He thinks he hears her swallow over the phone, but he doesn’t mention it. He can’t really talk yet. He doesn’t trust what is stupid mouth will say.

“Are you excited about Montréal?” She asks almost carefully.

“Yeah, I haven’t been there since…” _since we slept together after our last training day before PyeongChang_ but he doesn’t say that either.

“Yeah…”

“Hey, do you feel like coming down to see some of the teams I’ll be working with on your way back from France? You could take a layover.” He pauses. “I think Sam misses us.”

That earns a laugh, and it makes his chest puff with pride. It’s still his favourite sound.

“Maybe…if I’m not too sick of croissants and great coffee by then!” It’s nice to hear her light, joking tone. He’s gotten so used to hearing it while they were in training and comp mode he’d never thought he’d go too long without it again. It’s been weeks though and he misses it.

He misses _her._

“Where will you be staying?” She asks. He hears shuffling around like she’s grabbing paper or something.

He tells her and she promises to get in touch with him before she returns, to see if she can make it happen.

He tempers his expectations on that though. He has to.

He made a promise to himself that he would stop waiting for her.

 _For both our sakes_ he reminds himself.

It leaves a painful weight on his chest and a bitter taste on his tongue.

 

* * *

 

They keep saying this tour will be different. That it’s unlike anything that’s been done before.

But even though they have guest appearances, off-ice dancing, and a damn confetti cannon it’s still same as it’s always been.

It starts with the choreography. They work so hard to do the vision justice, but just as it is with everything, they can’t help but make it their own.

They can’t help but make it personal.

The touching, the movement, it’s all to draw people in.

And Scott’s more invested than anyone. The feel of her body pressed against his, the strain of her weight in motion, the way she holds on to him as they conquer the physics trying to pull them apart. The dizzying proximity night after night weighs on him until he can barely sleep; until finally she shows up at his hotel room in Brandon.

Like the tango or the waltz, the pattern is burned into his actions, leading him along like muscle memory until it’s finished.

“Scott, it’s just me.” She murmurs, her breath hot in his ear and shattering his resolve. He lets her pick him apart in perfect ecstacy.

 _It’s only ever been you_ is what he doesn’t say.

When we wakes up and she’s gone, he wishes so much that it was different. He blames himself for being surprised. It’s always the same.

_It has to stop...you’re getting tangled up in this thing again. How long do you think you can last?_

He scrubs his hands over his face, rolls over, and yells into his pillow to try to drown out his reason.

_You have to be the one to cut the string._

He chokes out a sob and blames everyone except her.

_That way you both can be free._

 

* * *

 

It’s almost Christmas and she comes over. It’s the worst time for this, he knows, but it’s time for a fresh slate. _Carte Blanche._ It’s time to break his own stupid heart.

There’s no preamble. He knows if he doesn’t say it flat out he’ll talk himself out of it.

Or she will.

“I don’t think we should skate together anymore.”

The words sound so strange coming out of his mouth it might as well be a foreign language.

The colour drains from her face and he feels completely hollowed out.

“You mean for the rest of the winter?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

Her face shifts and she sits a little taller on his couch holding her chin up high. “Then you’re going to have to tell me _exactly_ what you mean Scott, because I don’t understand.”

“Please Tessa—“

“I’m sorry, are you going to ask me something? Because I have a lot of questions too.”

“You’ve been so busy, and we’re both getting older…”

“So that’s it then? Twenty-one years of history and you’re just done? You want to move on?”

“I can’t keep this up.”

“Keep what up, Scott? The skating? The travel? Doing what you do best in the entire world for a career?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know, but this... _I_ have to stop. You can keep—”

“No. Don’t you dare say it. Don’t you dare sit here and tell me that I can keep going without you.”

“Tessa—”

“This has always been us.” She says with a tremor in her voice as she motions between them, “the same coaches, the same cities, the same medals...God, we even have the same star on the _Walk of Fame_!”

“I know. Of course I know.” He drags his hand through his hair roughly, realizing he must have been growing it out for her again unconsciously. “Do you think this was easy for me? Do you think I want this? I’m doing it because I have to.”

“Stop.”

“The past two years have been amazing. They’ve been the best two years of my life if I’m being honest. But what we gave up, Tess...it’s like I’m frozen. I’m stuck. Watching all of my friends move on, watching people start families and buy houses. I want that too. You have to know that it’s what I want, more than anything.”

“More than me?”

“T…”

“No Scott, it’s okay. I get it. It’s the same thing I’ve been telling myself this whole time.”

She swallows and a dark shadow passes over her face. Something like he’s never seen before. Her face crumbles completely and she tries to shake it off. She tries to recover, but he has this terrible sinking feeling that there’s no coming back now.

She grabs her purse and her coat and strides swiftly toward the door. He stands too, and even follows her a little until he realizes how stupid it would be to try and stop her.

She does pause though, even if she doesn’t look at him. Scott is sure that she doesn’t look because she can’t.

He’s sure because he feels the exact same.

As she leaves she mutters something that he almost doesn’t hear.

Something that he wishes more than anything that he had _never_ heard.

“I always knew I wasn’t enough.” It’s a raw and broken thing and it falls out of her mouth like a mantra.

He feels sick. It nearly knocks him over. His knees almost give out so he grabs the kitchen island to steady himself.

Mission accomplished. Goal completed. She’s gone, and he can finally start to move on.

 _They_ can finally move on. Separately.

The tug in his chest is stronger than ever. The thread that binds them pulls taut. He can feel the imagined fibers vibrate with tension. He knows if he doesn’t give way it will snap.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Revels in it. Prepares himself for what comes next.

 _No_ he hears her voice say in his head.

His eyes fly open.

“No.” He repeats out loud to his empty apartment.

No, he’s not going to let her think that. No, he’s not going to leave it like this.

_No._

Before he knows it he’s following her out. His feet move on their own volition and gain momentum as he drifts through the halls.

He might have said her name. He might have screamed it, or cried it; he wouldn’t know.

He knows she’d take the stairs because he knows everything about her. He knows she’d want to keep moving or else her emotions might catch up and she would be overwhelmed.

He finds her on the landing by the fire door of floor two. It looks like everything caught up anyway and she’s slouched against the railing, silently trembling as she fights her tears.

It completely guts him. He’d kick his own ass if he could.

“Tessa you know that’s not true.”

She doesn’t startle, she knows he’s there. But she doesn’t speak either.

He walks down the stairs and kneels in front of her. She won’t look at him but that’s okay, he thinks if she did with those bright green eyes brimmed with red he’d lose all reason and act on his heart instead of his head. Isn’t that what got them into this mess in the first place?

It took _months_ to convince himself act with his head first because nowadays it hurt too much to use his heart.

He grabbed both her hands. “You have always been enough for me. I know you know that.”

She sniffles roughly and gnaws at her bottom lip.

“But that’s not the problem here, is it T? It’s me. I’m the one that’s not enough, and that’s okay. I’m not going to try to change who you are. I’d never hold you back. This is killing me Tess, but I have to do it so we can both go after what we want.”

“What we want…” she says thickly, still refusing to look at him.

“You know that I want a family. You know that I want to settle down. Or else I’ll just keep falling behind. In a perfect world—”

“Tell me.”

“What?”

“Tell me about your perfect world, Scott.”

“I…”

She stands up. “Tell me, or else there’s nothing left to say.”

He stands too, but she’s two steps above him with her chin held high again. He’s stammers, both amazed and terrified at her strength.

“My perfect world…”

“Yes?”

“It’s…”

She crosses her arms and looks down at him. Her face is still blotchy with tears, but there is an immovable force keeping her in place.

“Tessa, if I tell you this, that’s it. I can’t take it back. It will be out there and we’ll both have to deal with it.”

“Well you’ve already made the decision about our career on your own, what’s stopping you now?” She takes a step down so she’s about eye-level with him. “So let’s deal with it.”

Scott wrings his hands and shuffles his feet. He knows his face is burning scarlet and he’s never felt more exposed to her in twenty-one years together.

He takes a deep breath and remembers some of his mental prep. This conversation is far more terrifying than any Olympic performance, so he might as well try to deal with it the same.

_Breathe. Visualize. Together._

“In a perfect world, it’s me and you T. It’s a big house in a quiet neighbourhood with a backyard and a damn picket fence. It’s every cliché we’ve ever seen in our favourite movies. It’s Christmas dinners, and birthday parties, and _Jeopardy_ every night at 6:30.”

She says nothing and leaves her face completely unreadable.

“I’m sorry, Tessa. I know you don’t want the same thing. And that’s okay, really...I just can’t be around you and _not_ think about the life we could have, so that’s why we can’t skate together any more...it’s too hard. I just can’t...I’m not strong enough.”

She’s quiet for a long time. She gives him nothing, and that’s good. It’s what he deserves.

When she does speak it nearly floors him.

“So why don’t we try then?”

He’s not sure he hears her correctly. “What?”

Her face is softer now, and her eyes are brimming with tears again, but it’s different. She’s almost smiling.

“You’re not wrong. I have no idea what I want. I’ve been trying to figure it out since February. I thought giving us both space and time is what we needed, but I underestimated you. I underestimated how sure you are of yourself. I wish I could be like that too, and I’m not.”

Scott feels himself deflate, but she takes another step down so she’s facing him head on, just like they’ve always done. Level ground. One-on-one.

“But what I am sure of Scott, is you.” She grabs his hands with both of hers and a few silent tears roll down her cheeks. “I’m sure that I can’t keep pushing you away because the only time I feel whole is when I’m with you.” She pauses for a moment, and continues very carefully. “I’m ready to try. I want to see where this takes us, and I’m really and truly ready for what comes next. As long as we’re together.”

“Together,” he echos vacantly, stunned by what she’s said.

That’s when she kisses him. It’s soft and tender, and all he can think about is how _right_ it feels.

“I love you,” she murmurs into his mouth, and this time he knows it’s different.

He can feel it, and he _knows_ she can too.

 

* * *

 

Scott was right, they can’t skate together like they used to while being in a healthy relationship. It’s not impossible like Scott once thought, but it’s definitely different.

For starters, they get yelled at all the time by the people at the rink about ‘keeping it PG’. A lot of those people are students of theirs _and_ former mentors, so it’s awkward all around.

Also skating less means being home more, which he couldn’t be happier about. Scott loves getting home by 5:00 on weeknights because it means they have plenty of time to make supper and eat before _Jeopardy_ comes on. This is important because Tessa is too competitive during the game show and will yell at Scott if he’s not paying attention to the question, which happens often if he’s trying to eat at the same time.

Moreover, they take a lot more vacations together now. So it means when they travel to places like Europe and Asia they’re not stuck inside all day. When fans ask if they’re enjoying the weather in Kyoto, Scott actually has an answer for them rather than the usual ‘well the inside of the rink was slightly less cold today than it was yesterday’, so the experience over-all is improved.

Not skating together as often also means that they’re out of the public eye a bit more, which grants them some degree of privacy and peace that they’ve both longed for since 2010.

It’s also difficult to skate together because less than five months into their relationship, Tessa becomes pregnant. Scott swears up and down that it wasn’t planned, and that they really were intending to take their time with everything.

It turns out fate had other plans.

Her name is Maisie Catherine Virtue Moir, and she’s born on February 2nd 2020.

One odd night when Maisie is a couple months old, Scott collapses on the bed beside Tess after rocking their daughter for almost an hour to try to get her settled again. He reaches broadly for the monitor on his nightstand but finds it empty. He pulls himself up to look across the bed. Not only did Tessa move the monitor to her side after he got up, but she’s still holding it, gazing foldly at their sleeping demon.

“You know I was just watching you and Maisie…”

“Yeah?” He replies groggily. It’s 3:30 in the morning and he’s exhausted, but he always has time for Tess.

“I was just amazed at how perfect it was.”

“Thank you, I’ve always said that I’m pretty impressive.”

She huffs out a laugh and places the monitor down on her nightstand before turning to face her partner.

Her tone shifts to a more serious one, and she makes sure she’s looking him in the eyes. “I hope you never felt that you forced me into this. I hope you never thought I’ve regretted a second of this since last Christmas.”

Scott smiles to himself. “I felt like that for maybe a minute when we first got together and haven’t since. It’s not like either one of us had a say anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“Fate.” He says simply.

She’s quiet so he continues. “It happened like it was supposed to. Like it was meant to. Me and you. And now Maisie? Fate.”

“Like that string thing?” She ventures.

“What?”

“You know…that string of fate...two souls bound by an invisible force…”

“You remember that?”

“Of course I do. I’ve always felt like I was stuck with you.”

Scott laughs, way too loud for the early hours of the morning. “Don’t sound too excited about it, dear.”

She laughs too and nuzzles in closer. “No, in a good way. In the _best_ way. It was always comforting to know that you were stuck with me, too.”

“So you don’t regret it? Any of it?”

“Never. I couldn’t.”

He smiles warmly at her and kisses the crown of her head.

“Good. Me either.”

They’re both asleep within minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i do have a tumblr, but i'm trying to keep a semi-low profile about this. dm if you want to talk more!


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